Haunted: The Lasting Effects of Kimkins

I'm struggling right now.

I'm stalled.

No longer losing weight, but not gaining either.

I'm frustrated, and wondering what I can do to get the scale moving down again.

But, I'm not just struggling with the scale. I'm struggling with my thoughts. I'm haunted by the things Heidi Diaz taught me during my 3 months on the Kimkins diet program. I constantly struggle to eat fat. I feel guilty when I put butter on something. I question using half and half in my coffee. Maybe 1400-1500 calories a day is too much?

Maybe not.

I'm trying to follow the Protein Power Lifeplan which encourages eating enough fat, protein and calories to keep your metabolism going. But, still that old Kimkins mentality sets in. Am I eating too much? Maybe I could be a little stricter about measuring? Do I really need to eat so much?

I've learned so much about eating disorders by going on this "Kimkins is very dangerous" journey. It scares the hell out of me when I realize that I was in the beginning stages of developing anorexia nervosa due to this diet. I was proud of how few calories I could eat and get by. So, why did I hide it from my family? The same reason I hid my dizzy spells and hair loss. I knew they'd freak out. Plus, I LOVED feeling in control of my appetite for the first time in my life.

You may be thinking - but didn't you already have an eating disorder at 100 lbs overweight? No, I don't really think so. What I had was a severe lack of knowledge over how my body works. I was never one to eat multiple meals at one sitting, full containers of ice cream, or nosh on junk food all the time. I was just eating way too many carbs - mostly in the form of whole grains and brown rice - which kept my appetite roaring all day, every day.

So, I continue my journey to lose my last 50 lbs. But, I'm not in search of skinny. I'm in search of a healthy, slender, attractive body. That's why I'm not tempted to return to Kimkins, no matter how many times some of that mentality slides through my brain. I know I cannot get healthy, slender and attactive by doing Kimkins.

And, trust me, you can't reach your goals doing Kimkins either.